Story #237 - Does it make me look...

"Do these jeans make my ass look fat?"
*stares at her with disgust* "Yes."
"I'm serious."
"Me too."
"You don't seem interested."
"Believe me, it's in my interest to get out of the house today. In the next hour if possible."
"Come on, I haven't been that long."
"You started an hour before we were supposed to leave, we've added another since, and Charlie keeps texting me, wanting to know when the hell we're arriving."
"Won't be long."
"That's what you said five dresses ago."
"And now I'm trying on jeans."
"I'll be in the bathroom, hanging myself."